. amanda .
. 24th Nov '88 .
. Sagittarus .
. NYPian .
. [AF 0501] .
. ex-SACian .
. ex-SJCian .
. ex-MJCian .
a b o u t ;
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Tuesday, July 26, 2005
haiz..im so dam stressed up now..suppose meet siti they all @ 10..but they keep changing time den sia..last i heard is 1..but i meetin marketin grp @ 12..how 2 fin in 1 hr? den he 2 comin.. sia la.. stress man.. scared if i do proj..den he say i nv pei him..haix..i dun wan 2 create another hoo ahh in sch.. sobx.. hope he will understand ba.. waitin 2 hear fr li fang wat time we meetin..haha
2day eff com cancelled..so onli got marketin lecture 2 attend..cos no more entreprenuership liao..onli dis sat got presentation..sia la..i muz go oso..sian.. so next lesson is 5.10pm..!!! haix..dun feel like gg de lo..its like no use oso..haha..but since i gg sch do proj den suan le..juz go..haha..anyway baby gg pei mi go lect..hahaha
super sian..tink i play game a while den go rush out word hmwk..haha..dis wk teacher gonna check liao..beta do ar..lots 2 do..sigh..
* dun break my heart...
thinking of you @ 8:30 AM
Thursday, July 21, 2005
sian ar..i dying soon..!! yest wanted 2 blog..bt den all my info gone 4 my proj..haix..i almost cried yest somemore i go sch early do de leh..sigh..tink lata haf 2 go sch early oso..need 2 do my SPSS stuff need 2 change..den still need 2 change everyting..!! i tink end up conclusion n recommendation i do liao..haix..next time work wif this group muz assign work le..cos i so stress wif soing almost everyting..!! Ming de say he do e editing..haha..thank u..2nd member tt say they wan 2 do sth..other den faz..but oso end up i do..cos i scared no time ma..haha
yest dad bday..!! haha..bought him a cake..haha..i tink he was so happy..though he keep sayin next time no need..haha..next yr is mum turn le..dis yr i nv do anyting 4 her..feel dam bad..i tink she oso sure upset de..but dun wan 2 say onli..sigh..i noe i treat her veri bad..but sometimes i reali tired..tired 2 fight oso lo..but i cant let go..i dun wan 2 let go..i dun wan 2 gif in..i always gif in..y cant ppl gif in 2 mi..sigh..im tried 2 b nice lo..i tried to say my feelings..to both..but nth seem 2 change..haix..im tired of keep havin 2 turn him down..haix..tired of secret here n there..tt's was e reason i told them abt him lo..yet..nth change..den wat's e pt..haix..
4get it..i dun wish 2 tink le..tired..sick..
i tot tings would b diff.. nw i realise i was wrong.. but den again..without hope.. wat's e pt of living.. baby.. im sure 1 day they will accept us.. *ilu always will.. muacks.. thx 4 understanding.. i could see u were upset yest.. though u didnt wan 2 tell mi.. im so sori to bring dis upon u..
*crying alone in darkness...
thinking of you @ 9:53 AM
Monday, July 18, 2005
wah..i dam stressed up rite now..!! marketin oso like onli i do lo..but cant say they nv do..hahaha hope serene dar's prob solved le..hmm..i tink horx most of e marketin work oso i do de sia..oh well..i tink i'll gice them do e rest of biz software de..those simple de liao.. i mean its so hard 2 meet up wif them oso sia..ok la..2day is my fault i last min den tell them 2 stay back..but its not like they cant lo.. shi li got proj 2 rush.. faz not feeling well.. den we cant find a com.. i go find a com but i can tell they not willing 2 stay so i told them 2 go hm lo.. hahaha..nvm la..end p oso cant find com.. tink tml i gg sch early by myself 2 do e poj..hope IBRC will open..
sia la..wed suppose 2 meet him..haix..but serene they all gg 2 meet for econs cos wan 2 add more tings 2 get e extra marks..hahaha..but i scared if i go hor..den lata serene they all will say mi leh..everytime leave..den hor its like i nv do much..scared..!!! how? or i ask him come meet mi 4+ means i'll stay 4 like 5hrs le..hope they dun mind ba..sobx.. if onli mum not so paranoid.. my life will b simpler..!! haix.. im tired mum.. when will u save mi?!
was tellin Poh Eng tings 2day..haha..i tink i said a lot..but i was frustrated..wif proj.. sch..r/s..sigh.. dun noe if i shld cont finding for piano students le not..cos i'll b dam bz sia..sigh. i'll leave it 2 them ba..cos if i say i dun wan den like i veri fickle again..when can find students den say ba..now like so hard 2 find students le..hahaha..oh well..
baby ar..i reali hope u'll understand sometimes not i dun wan 2 meet u..is i cant.. sigh.. i oso so angry n frustrated wif my life leh.. u r e 1 ting tt keep mi gg.. plx.. dun make mi lose hope.. if u fall..i'll fall even harder.. *ilu.. [i'll rty my veri best to meet u as many times cos i miss u.. but plx dun get angry easily wor... hahaha.. i'll b more stressed ]
thinking of you @ 9:30 PM
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
finally..my own blogs turn..hahaha..been updatin baby n mine blog..sis n mine blog..hahaha.. bz bz sia..haha.. tink next time juz update @ baby n mine blog if reali bz..hahaha
exams comin le..proj comin 2 due le..haix..time pass so bloody fast sia.. im turin 17 soon.. n i still cant believe it lo.. sigh. as 1 get older.. more obstacles start 2 come..y? cos when 1 gets older they haf their own tinkin.. diff tinkin under e same roof..sure fight.. sigh..
mummy..do u noe how bad i feel rite now? do u noe i so wan 2 tell u he studied wif mi.. he studied.. how much i wan 2 hug u n tell u i love u..? i may not b e guai or shy daughter anymore but im still mi.. i try 2 c fr ur pt of view..but will u b willing 2 look fr my pt? im tired 2 hide mummy.. im tired.. mayb u'll say den y not juz let go.. den u? im sure u r oso tired of protectin mi since i so rebellious.. but den u wun let go.. i noe im ur flesh n blood... he mayb juz an outsider but 2 mi he is part of mi le.. mayb im stupid n naive.. but i believe in love.. i love u.. thus i believe 1 day we'll get to a certain understanding..
dad..thx.. i love my fam..!! my frdx n darlings..!! n of cos my baby dearest..!!! so much...
thinking of you @ 9:43 PM
sian...!!!! proj all comin 2 due..exam comin..parents dun let us meet..meet oso muz secretly..i so bloody stressed up lo.. haix.. dun they noe e more they dun let mi do sth..e more i wan 2 do it?!?! how can they even say they been thru e same ting yet dun understand mi?! sigh.. mayb next time i oso treat my child like tt..mayb tt's y i dun wan 2 haf children le ba.. sigh...
i miss him so much...
thinking of you @ 1:28 PM
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
haha..finally got time 2 update dis blog..hahaha..quite sian now..in ibrc..aiyo..lata 5 de got class tink lata i go study mkting..hahaha..die la..exams comin..proj due..ICA comin oso..sia la..den still muz tink abt my r/s..parents..if onli my parents relac on my r/s a lil..i dun tink i'll b so stress lo.. cos @ least @ nite can mett up n study..den isn't it beta? being stead does not onli mean go out de ma.. cos study 2gether..yet they dun even wan 2 let i tink..
aiyo..mummy ar.. gif mi some slack can? sigh.. sori if im mean or rude but im tired.. sometimes i feel tt e onli way to get wat i wan is to do sth u all n mi hate..sigh.. i so wan 2 tell u all tt he comin 2 study wif mi..but i cant..i can onli juz drop a bomb..(according to daddy) but den when i tell u all in time..u all dun let..den wat 2 wan mi 2 do?! haix.. i so wan 2 communicate wif u all but u all r puttin a wall.. its so hard 2 get thru..yes i noe im suppose 2 break thru it n stand up again n again when i fall..but each time i fall..it feels so much harder to stand up again..sigh..i tried 2 talk wif u..even wrote letter 2 daddy.. but nth seem 2 change.. mayb im 2 impatient wan an immediate effect..but den..haix.. 4get it..
daddy even 4get tt he say can ask teacher to help mi find student..mayb dis wkend i ask myself le ba..hehehe..i seem 2 b less fearful of her den my parents..quite sad i tink..sighh.....
last sat went 2 play badminton..fr 9+ play till 10+ till e street lamp off liao oso play.. haha.. but den we move 2 another place..cos sis scared..aiyo..den i oso cant c e shuttle-cork..haha sun went swimmin again..haha..wore my pink bikini..n i reali need 2 lose weight..!! but i cant seem 2 stop eating..sia la..hahaha..
baby..thx 4 everyting..i noe u have change a lot for mi..muacks..!! hehehe.. [ilu--*]
thinking of you @ 2:13 PM
Friday, July 08, 2005
haix.. so sad rite now.. whole day so sad.. so irritated.. so... haix.. hu will understand mi? hu will care or even bother? haix.. feel so dam alone is dis world full of ppl.. haix.. heart bleeding till now.. invisible tear flowing till now.. haix.. reali no mood to type oso.. SICK N TIRED..!! but i reali wan 2 thx baby 4 not getting angry n upset.. *cross my fingers.. muacks.. i love you always...
thinking of you @ 9:07 PM
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
sigh..i dun noe wat shld i do? everytime i online..mum ask wat i doin..hu i talkin.. isn't tt a bit2 late le? haix.. everytime make mi irritated wif this.. i haf a life mum.. i need privacy.. yes we shld communicate more..but den its 2 late.. 2 mi lo.. u noe how much it hurt when u said u didnt tink im a shy girl.. i infer tt u tot was cos i gt bf? n meet net ppl? its like wat e hell lo.. when i wanted attention i got none.. now u wan 2 gif mi e attention? mayb im in e wrong 2say dis way n b rude but haf u ever tot of my feelings? im 17...! i mayb still young bt..haix i got my tinkings le.. im not tt small girl le.. n ppl will change.. they will.. no matter hu they b wif.. its still their life.. their tinkin made them change de..
yest dad reply my letter.. haha.. fast.. hmm.. he say since i fin piano le..i can start teaching mayb 1 or 2 students as "gunine pigs" haha.. hmm.. ok.. @ least he didnt say i cant work.. den he say tt ting.. when my mum not so stressed up le..den talk 2 her.. well.. i tink it'll b hard cos i sre flare de..haix..plus she.. haix.. i dun noe how la.. dad oso say as long as i dun lie 2 him can le.. yupx.. im was so happy my dad understood mi. but den @ e same time haix... dun noe how talk wif mum sia.. i dun wan 2 upset her yet.. i dun noe how.. argh..!!
sat drawing nearer..tml thur le leh.. haix.. tink by tml latest i need ask them le.. but mum sure not happy de.. i wonder if dad will allow dis time. haix.. i gg crazy..!! i oso wan 2 go out wif him on sat lo.. so badly.. its been some time since i go out wif him le ba.. da da fang fang de go out wif him...
juz now i so guai..haha..help mum vaccum floor..hehehehe..left study rm n kitchen dad do cos need go eat liao..hahaha..more den half of e house leh..hehehe..vaccum till i perspire so much..wahahahaha.. happy happy..hee..
THANKS DAD..!!
baby..i miss u.. i love u so much..so happy 2 b wif u.. muacks
thinking of you @ 8:04 PM
Monday, July 04, 2005
haix..now fan again lo..sat he ask mi pei him go tourny cos its like once in a long long time..but parents... haix.. my frdx sayin tt its a white lie so its alright but 2 them its not.. lie is lie.. wat shld i do?!?!?!?!?!?! im so sick n tired of dis.. sick n tired of facing my parents.. write letter dun noe he got read not..or mayb i give e wrong mtd?
ARGH..........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i gg cry again... all i noe is 2 tear tear n tear.. tear till die beta...@ least no1 haf 2 worry 4 mi anymore..they dun haf 2 care anymore...no1 need 2 bother abt mi anymore...i dun haf prob anymore.... die den juz die... b selfish once... i dun haf 2 fan my frdx anymore oso... den he can b wif some1 much beta den mi...whose parents r willing 2 accept him... hu love him more den i do...
when will they finally understand mi?! i doubt there will ever b dis day...i dun noe wat 2 tink anymore........................
thinking of you @ 5:50 PM
Friday, July 01, 2005
so sian ar..not listening to teacher teach excel ting..haha..she gg thru the ICA1 haha..not bad quite happy wif my results so far but gt some need to improve liao *mkting n econs.. hahaha.. but i cant reali rem all my results liao..ahah..cos nv write down..
v long nv update here liao..ahaha..bz updating my other blog..but he like nv update de so sad..bz playin game.. been tinkin a lot dis few days.. those tings that r not necessary..haix.. it not tt i dun trust him..but still gt tt wierd feeling ba..suan le.. dun tink so much..
dam sian now..haha..hmm..baby shld b in class nw..hahaha..lata he playin bball..haha..oh well..i muz study lata..but i tink when late night den study..hahahahaha...go net lata when go hm.. hehehe.. i miss my baby.. i wan 2 b by ur side always nv part.. hehe..
thinking of you @ 2:21 PM
wishing for--*
* new tops/ bottoms/ jumper
* nail polish
* new highlights for hair
* new heels
* new diary (notebook)
* have a beta 2007
* be more decisive
movie list--*
happy feet
open season
Night at the Museum
charlotte's web
eragon
= the holiday =
curse of e golden flower
= zodiac =
= TMNT =
= Ghost Rider =
= Spider Man 3 =